When we were at school, there was this tabloid pseudo-scientific magazine called "En dingding värld" ("It's a wacky world" or something equally silly. It contained stories like "Aliens ate my grandma" and other pieces of credible news. The thing that happened to me today sounds like, but is sadly not, taken from this work of reference of the odd...
I was heating some empanadas in the oven, and quietly pondering the translation for "All rights reserved" when a cockroach came crawling across the table. While I reached for a suitable shoe, she had the ingenious idea to climb atop my computer, where I could not turn here into a has-been insect. I tried to coerce her into leaving it, but instead she wedged herself between my computer and the screen, and who wants a squashed hexapede there?!
I then employed the tried-and-tested method of "leaving her be" until she came to her senses. Which is when the far too curious creature clambered down over the side of my computer and entered it through the flap intended for some external card, as easily as had the flap been an upside-down catflap for cockroaches!!!!
I almost fainted on the spot, then expected to see blue lightning exterminate the intruder. Sadly, no. In fact, when I stricken with panic called Michael to lament my situation, I swear I saw the mouse port turn 180 degrees, as if to say "haha I'm inside now, and you'll never get me alive - in fact if I go, I'm taking your computer with me!" In my mind scenarios developed where the cucaracha managed to short-circuit the hard disk by melting on it and all data was irretrievably lost.
Cursing myself for not getting the "insurance for dummies" that the PC shop tried to haggle me into buying (with the argument that you could get beer cleaned off the computer for free - as if! I only ever pour cappuccino or red wine over keyboards that are not mine), I had my empanadas to gather strength. Then I left a plate with crumbs conveniently next to the computer and weighed down the flap with a pen, for the beast to exit by herself in search of food. Not so.
For true slapstick character, while all this was happening, a guy was attacking the concrete tiles in the pavement opposite our flat with a hammer drill in, say, 15 s intervals followed by 8 second breaks - enough to drive anyone insane, pest invasion or no.
In despair, I trotted to the internet cafe to locate the authorized repair shop in Peru. 30 minutes of bus journey and 10 blocks walk in the afternoon sun later, I left my baby Toshiba in the hopefully competent hands of the technicians. Unfortunately it's not going to be done until Monday afternoon at the earliest, which means back to basics for this translator - i.e. printouts and red ink marker for my proofreading assignment.
I still can't believe it, but it does make a funny story - as long as my computer comes back in one piece, less one cucaracha. I will now have to design some sort of cockroach protection, like adhesive tape, maybe?
I wonder if I could patent it and sell it to Toshiba? Or just write a long, detailed complaint about how they have not considered insects when adjusting the spring force of the card flap...
To console myself about my short-term separation from my favourite toy, I bought tickets to Pirates of the Caribbean III - yes!!! Only 50 minutes to go.
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